Generation to Generation

| May 02, 2010

Friday, April 30th, we had a family night here at the church for AdventureLand families.  It was extremely fun and I want to thank again all the families that attended.  Here's the lesson that was taught to the parents while the kids were doing their craft in the other room.  There's a longer version (I had to cut it down from 30 minutes to 15!) I can send you if you're interested, just let me know.

 

Generation to Generation

 

1)    Intro (4 minutes)

  1. Welcome

Good evening!  We’d like to thank you all for being here.  We’re very excited to be with you tonight.  As soon as Mike brought up the idea of teaching at our Family Night, I have been looking forward to talk with you all.  Those of you who don’t know me, my name is Will Christianson and this is my wife Audra.  I’m the Kindergarten Pastor here at Life Center.  I know, not as glamorous as Worship Pastor or Senior Pastor, but I guarantee it’s a lot more fun.  We really have prayed that we can add value to your families tonight.  For us, getting to know many of you has added to our family greatly.  It’s awesome to gather together on a Friday at church for some fun family time. 

 

  1. Audra’s art-class story

How many of you believe in love at first sight?  Well, we have a great story for you about the first class Audra and I had together.  It’s the first memory I have of her and it only took what, hon, four more classes together for us to finally talk?  (Three)  Yes, when you caught the science experiment on fire and blamed it on me, that’s right.  But then the next class you sat next to me and the rest is history.  (Love at fourth site.)  Anyway, the first time I saw you, you were giving a presentation on a drawing you made. (Audra’s explanation)  Our parents’ words, actions, and character helped shape who we are, for better or worse.  We’re going to take a couple minutes now to fill out the worksheets on our table.  Just write down what comes to mind and skip it if you can’t think of any.  When we’re done, we’ll have you share some of your answers.

 

  1. Two Minutes to fill out Parents worksheets

 

2)    Come together and share (2 minutes)

Alright, let’s come back together.  Did that help you bring back some fond memories?  Who has something they wrote that they’d like to share?

 

3)    What do your kids think of you? (3 minutes)

  1. Point? Cameron Memory?

Thank you all for sharing, it’s great to look back sometimes, isn’t it.  You might be asking yourself, “What’s the point of this exercise?”  I think Pastor Mike was asking himself the same thing when I told him I’d volunteer to do some teaching tonight.  Well, for those who doubt there is a point to all of this…the point is: what we remember about our parents is what our kids will remember about us.  What’s nice for us, if you’re like me, is we still have some time to change.  I’ve told Audra a few times, “I hope Cameron’s too young to remember that...I don’t want that to be his earliest memory of me!”

 

  1. Share some responses from staff kids

I know I’m not the only one who’s thought that.  You’ve done the same thing, haven’t you!  I know you have.  We gave the same questions to some of our staff’s kids.  Let’s look at how they answered about their parents.  RESPONSES

 

4)    Thinking About Stages of Life (4 minutes)

  1. Kids

We’ve talked about kids, which is important.  Barna research shows that we need to teach kids what they need to know by age twelve to really impact their lives.  For now though, let’s look past childhood.  And we’re actually going to skip right over those awkward teenage years because I don’t want to think about three teenage boys yet!

 

  1. Teenagers, Young Adults

I want you to think about what your children will be like when they’re getting to be young adults, ready to move out and start their own lives.

 

                   i.            What will they be like?

Think about it for a second.  When your children grow up and move out of your house, what will they be like?  Here’s a hint, think about what you were like and that might give you a little preview.  Some of you are a little scared.  And why?

 

 

  1. Choices in Tough Times

Because you know that they’re going to have to make some tough choices like you did!  What values will you have instilled (or tried to instill!) in them so they will make (mostly) positive choices rather than negative ones?  When they go to that party, what will they decide to do?  Or really, what will they decide NOT to do?  Think about some good and bad choices you made at 18.  Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to share!

 

  1. Treating Spouse and Children

In those early years of adulthood those crazy little kids often find their “soul mate”, get married, and start having kids.  When you have kids, you really understand how much of an impact your parents had on you because you start to sound just like them!  How many of you know what I’m talking about?

 

  1. How have you lived your life as a model?

It makes me think about when our boys get married and have kids.  I hope that I have given them a good model to follow in how to treat their own wives and children.

 

                                                       i.            When there’s bad modeling

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a good example to follow at home, especially when it comes to raising boys!  My parenting instincts…let’s say they are not good!  My first reaction is never the right one.  The second and third usually aren’t much better.  Yours could be the same, maybe worse.  What are you doing to fix it?  Here’s what I’m trying to do:

  1. 1.    Read books on being a better husband and father, especially the Bible (show some examples), then read them again!  I had a friend recommend a book.  He asked me if I read it.  I said yes.  He looked at me funny and said I need to go read it again.  Audra, how many time have I gone through the Love Languages book, and I still don’t quite get it, do I?
  2. 2.    That’s where prayer comes in.  Pray, ask God to help you!  God’s given me a verse to hold onto: Ephesians 6:4 (my birthday, just letting you know in case you needed time to prepare), “Fathers don’t exasperate your children.”  When you’re getting upset with your kids, ask yourself, am I exasperating them…whatever that means!
  3. 3.    Communicate with spouse.  Sometimes I tell Audra, “I can’t be around the boys for a few minutes,” because I need time to think about how to handle something (Audra: And there’s times when I have to tell him to give the boys (especially Cameron) a break.)

 

  1. Your children become full-grown adults

So let’s look way down your road now.  When you’re at the end of your life here on earth, what do you want to think when you look back at the relationships inside your family?  I’ve been wrestling with this from the kid’s perspective lately.   My dad is battling cancer for the third time now and isn’t looking so good.  We’ve never had the best of relationships and aren’t extremely close, so it’ tough.  When you’re ready to go, what do you want to be able to say to your wife and kids?  What conversations do you want to have with people at the end of your life?

 

5)    Ways to Positively Influence Your Children (3 minutes)

Alright, we know that how our kids will remember us is important.  Let’s look at three quick areas in which we can make a big impact while your children’s metal video recorder is running!  We’re going to talk about Words, Actions, and Time. 

 

  1. a.    Words

 

  John chapter 1, “In the beginning was the Word…the Word became flesh.”  Later, Jesus said, “Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away.” Words must be important, right?

 

                   i.            Character of Words

Choose your words wisely.  Our words need to be ones that build others up.  We need to be encouraging and loving yet consistent and firm.  Only say things you want your kids to repeat.  But it’s not just the words we us that we need to watch out for.

 

                 ii.            Tone

There was a study done and it found that the words we say are only 7% of communication.  A much greater proportion, 38%, is how we say it.  Getting back to Cameron…he’s great at copying tone, a little mirror that you can see and hear yourself in!  Getting him to bed at night can be a chore, and tucking him in, the “I love you” can sound more like “I love you!”  The words are the same but the heart behind them is much different!

 

  1. b.    Actions

 

Let’s get back to communication.  You math majors out there are trying to figure out if I know 7 and 38 don’t equal 100.  They don’t, and that’s because 55% of what we communicate is all in how the other perceives it.  It doesn’t matter what you say, if the other person takes it differently than intended, that’s what is communicated. 

 

                   i.            Back up what you say

Along those lines, if you rarely follow through with what you say you’re going to do, the words you say mean very little.  If I tell Audra I will take out the garbage tonight but rarely do so (stop looking at me like that, it’s just an example), I really told her “No, I won’t take it out.”  Or Tommy, if I told him we’d go to the park but got busy and we didn’t go, I communicated that he’s not important.  Make sure you never say you’ll do something you can’t or won’t do.  Back up what you say because your words and actions all stem from what you believe. 

  

  1. c.     Time

 

                   i.            T-I-M-E

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying, “Kids spell love T-I-M-E”.  Well, so do most people.  It’s impossible to really love someone and not spend any time with them.  How you spend your time shows the world what you hold as Truth.  If you love your wife, it will be shown by the time you spend with her and how you treat her when you are together.  If you love your kids, it will show by your personal involvement in their lives.  If you a follower of Christ, you will spend time following His command to love Him and love others.

 

                 ii.            Prioritizing

Now I hear you, because I have the same thoughts.  Let’s look at our list.  God wants you to spend time with Him, your spouse wants you to spend time together, your children want you to spend time with them, your work want you to spend time working, and you have your own things you want to do.  Sorry, I have no easy answers for you on how to plan it out.  It takes a lot of energy and a purposeful effort to be a positive influence on those around you.  There is an easy way that will always present itself though.  How many channels of ESPN are there?  Really, isn’t your family, the ones who will be carrying on after you, aren’t they much more important than TV, video games, and hanging with your peeps?

 

6)    Wrap-Up (1 minute)

Ok, let’s wrap it up.  I have three points.  I could have skipped all the other mumbo jumbo but I needed to fill time, so now’s when you need to pay attention.  Tell the person sitting next to you to wake up, I’m almost done.  Here’s what you need to do:

  1. a.    1)  Take the good things you remember about your parents and try to emulate.
  2. b.    2)  Take the not so good things and try to improve
  3. c.     3)  Remember the Golden Rule applies to spouses and kids too!  If you don’t know the Golden Rule, ask the nearest Kindergartner because we talk about it every Sunday so they better know.